Practical Wisdom in Negotiation with Dr. Bruno Verdini — More than negotiation …
Before I shared my learnings and reflections,
I would like to invite you to start ponder about the questions below:
- How would you define negotiation?
- What does negotiation means to you?
- When was the last time you negotiated?
- What did you learn from your negotiation experience?
- What images or feelings come to your mind?
To me,
Negotiation is a type of persuasive effective communication to help achieve a meaningful outcome with involved parties. And how we can influence through a constructive and potentially pleasant experience for everyone who is involved to achieve everyone’s most desired and most optimal outcomes.
I realized I have been involved in many different types of negotiations in the past (salary, sales, deal, contract values, even many rounds of discussion personally and professionally with people).
How did I deal with negotiations in my past?
I mostly depended on gut feelings, sometimes I did some preparation and strategizing, brief think-through, but I would say mostly I thought of what was best for me first, instead of thinking of all the parties who were involved first and what they could prioritze.
I noticed, as such, that my negotiation experiences, previously were mostly aggressive and departing from the fear that the counterpart might reject my proposed terms, as I was not confident I could achieve what I had envisioned and that I did not do much about improving from each encounter.
Well, of course, there were times I managed to get what I wanted out from the negotiations (especially in making deals) but I am excited about what I have discovered about myself in the past.
After attending an MIT Negotiation workshop by Jared R. Curhan in April 2022, I learned about the fundamentals and psychology of negotiation science, including — core concepts such as Zone of Possible Agreement (ZOPA), Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA), the objective and subjective value I can create through the interactions in negotiation and the 7 elements of structured analysis to prepare for a negotiation. This has helped me to realize in depth the importance of understanding the preparation pre-negotiation.
Yet, what I liked, enjoyed and learned most from experiencing Negotiation classes (including this one I am going to reflect upon) was its inherently creative component — that is a form of ART in persuasive communication.
An ART that takes consistent practice, strategy, reflection, improvement to be better at it each time, to be able to learn from the process, to learn from myself, to learn from the counterpart. To develop that awareness to be present in the moment, and then to be able to review and reflect upon what I experienced, what I said, and identify moving forward, what is going to help me to become a better, strategic and more effective negotiator.
Accordingly, I wanted to provide a brief snapshot of some of my learnings and reflections after these three days practical wisdom in negotiation with Dr Bruno Verdini ! 3 full days! Too many learnings and reflections I want to keep revisiting in the future!
Key Takeaways and Reflections:
The class activities allowed me to become much more aware of my feelings, reflect on my experiences, what skills did I apply, what are the aspirations, identifying what are my fears and getting to know what are my strengths.
This helped me to understand what drives me, what motivate me, what are my blind spots (this is powerful).
And in turn, train myself to be clear with what outcomes do I want to achieve and why is it important to me and start exploring more ways and possibilities!
- How do I use my own R.E.A.L. learning model to prepare, process and reflect after the simulation exercises:
R — Reflection :
- What do I want?
- How do I identify the most important thing I want to achieve?
E — Emotion:
- How do I feel about, pre, throughout and post of the negotiation process?
- How do I plan and strategize?
- How do I recognize my feelings and others’ feeling throughout this process? Feeling is important, because it is the bridge that connect to people.
A — Awareness :
- How am I being able to be present and be ready for surprises.
- There is always information we do not catch at first glance.
- Training myself to be alert and aware will allow me to be present and to be like water, formless but every move is purposeful and tactical.
L — Learn :
- What did I learn from my counterparty?
- What did I learn from myself?
- What did I learn from the process?
- What did I learn from the outcomes?
Across the three days, I tallied dozens and dozens of introspections that I cherish and continue to ponder, including:
- Where does the belief that a negotiation has to be tough, aggressive, and difficult come from? What happens if I question this ingrained perspectives?
- If I give myself the possibility of being positively surprised by my counterpart — if I no longer assume I have all the pieces to the puzzle, if avoid jumping into conclusions immediately, how does that impact my own measure of success? What becomes my story? Does it connect to my virtues?
- Do I have a solid sense of the red flags in communication? How can I stay objective, obervant and constructively critical? Can I move away from making decisions out of fear, including lying? What are the virtues I deeply believe and hold on to, in order to demonstrate courage, manifest compassion and advance truth.
- Negotiations could be about the exchange of spirituality and energy. It could go well beyond the transactional, tricky and cunning, with sincerity, humbleness, and authenticity as far more powerful tools to foster the necessary strategic acumen and effective collaboration.
Final Reflection:
I can’t stop and can’t help — I am too curious why Dr. Bruno, admist his many passions, studies negotiation in natural resources. My question is why natural resources? So, I went on to research on my own about him, his work and why this subject!
Once my own research was over, I had a short conversation with Dr. Bruno. It was very impactful to me. I reflected quite in depth about how he had chosen this path to inspire and to channel the noble cause with which he approaches the world. I was very curious to learn about what’s behind, what is his intention, and the the work he takes on. I wanted to understand the ideology and philosophy behind.
I made the case to him, that in my mind, one of the reasons why he studies negotiation in natural resources, and often on a transboundary scale, is that it is a realm to test and put to practice a stronghold belief of principle of abundance.
AND —
I also wanted to share with him that I felt that the way he taught is extremely natural and absolutely present! He is always in the flow while he is teaching, facilitating and connecting with people. You can connect to him in all levels, physically, mentally and spiritually! I would say not every educator can do so if that educator does not have a clear WHY is he teaching what he is teaching.
I remain inspired from all aspects. One MIT article I came across in my research, introducing his pedagogical approach at MIT emphasized three fundamental principles:
Drawing from within (Educo)
1. Luminosity — eager to incorporate new perspectives and engage in deeper self-examination.
2. Embodiment — Quality of complete commitment to forge a match between inner voice and material work
3. Reciprocity — fully understanding the agency, responsibility, and opportunities that arise when we own the consequences of our actions.
He inspired me to think further, deeper and more spiritually about how I would want to channel my life-calling, my life purpose and my energy through the work I am going to do.
How I can be a care-er of the world. What do I care about the most that I can’t wait to share with the world!
I am inspired by how he could design such courses at MIT! How he could channel what he believes in, his spirituality, his energy through his work, and to do it so deepy. How he sees every single one of us here as a vessel in a larger system. How this will affect our decision-making no matter in micro or macro scale.
Can we all believe in the principle of abundance when we negotiate? I think this is part of the wisdom he is sharing with us in each class, getting every participant more tools and opportunities to explore and question their intentions, their virtues, and the principles that they believe in.
Abundance not just in tangible sense, how about abundance in intangible sense such as power, love, kindness and more! Can you imagine how would leaders could come together and negotiate with each other from the perspective of abundance — how this would contribute to help change the world and impact the generations to come, help usher in more solutions to address climate risk, move away from wasting resources in armed conflicts. Well, this is what I have observed, felt and connected to. Hope this reflection helps you reflect too!
If you are curious and interested to find out more, please click here to get to learn about Dr. Bruno Verdini and his work “Winning Together”.
Now, let’s re-think what virtues, values and principles we believe in?
